The world of an independent woman is a tricky one to navigate at best. Add the fact that this particular woman is a single mom… good luck to anyone that tries to be a part of whatever the hell she is doing. Because nine times out of ten, this woman does not know what she wants… but… she absolutely knows what she does NOT want.
So as you all know, I spent 18 years with the father of my son. We never married, but after 18 years, WTF is the actual difference. For reasons the universe only knows, we were not meant to be together in the end. And he actually TOLD me that many moons ago when I was so head over heels in love, that I couldn't even fathom the concept of it.
However….
He could not have been more right. But shhhh please don't tell him. The last thing I need is him knowing he was actually right at some point. Lol.
Fast forward to today. Him and I are good. We have an understanding that we were at one point a family, and due to a shared DNA of an amazingly fantastic offspring, we are forever united for that one and only purpose.
Ok, moving to the point of this blog. Lol.
After being in such a long relationship, you learn a lot about yourself. And when you are the one that ends the relationship, you learn even more.
You go through a period of reflection, and sometimes guilt and questioning. But you cannot ever second guess your decisions because you made them for a reason. And who in their right mind is okay with being questioned on the decisions they make- especially when they are utterly heart wrenching???
But at some point you need to ask yourself… What do I REALLY want??? And then you get absolutely NO answer. Literally.
So then you have to ask yourself… What do I NOT want???
And then you go from there. At least you finally have a definitive starting point and that puts you way ahead of most of the world around you,
In my life today, I have a 17 year old son who has miraculously thrived despite the literally fucked up situation he was exposed to most of his life. I am EXTREMELY particular about who I bring into our environment which is precisely why he has never met anyone i have ever been on dates with.
The truth about me is that I am hyper-independent. Been that way my entire life to the point where I can pinpoint the exact moment, day, time, reason, why that happened. Story for another day, but if someone wants to be a part of my world, they would have to be the PERFECT combination of…. Having an intellect of something I know nothing about, have street smarts, respect and appreciate their mama!, respect themselves, appreciate traditions and old-school values, be hard working, tenacious, and vivacious.
The rest of my requirements are purely selfish but necessary…. I Love latino men. Oh baby! Lol. Must be five foot ten or taller, hygienically conscious, fun loving, open to do whatever the hell I feel like doing in the moment, at any time, day or night, and basically a willing participant to the life that paves the way for maximizing happiness and pleasure. Wink wink.
So you know that movie where you are in the elevator with your crush and you fantasize him pushing you against the wall and ravaging you until the next floor when the doors open up and others enter… yeah. that. .. FOUND IT!!!
And have you ever had a conversation with someone, but get completely lost in their smile and/or eyes, or the way their lips look when they speak??? FOUND THAT.
Have you ever spent an evening with someone that basically fulfills all of your physical needs, but doesn't say “no” when you ask for more? Oh yeah, FOUND THAT TOO.
You lay next to this person, and they snuggle into your neck with their perfect lips…. Then… well, you know…
I'm not trying to divulge all of my personal exploits, nor am I trying to make anyone jelly. Hee hee.
But in this day and age, and at my ripe old age of NunYa! Lol. meeting someone who gives you all of the nuzzles and giddies that were supposed to exist as a “young teenager exploring so many firsts” you kinda have to give credit where credit is due.
I am not saying I am in love, I am not saying I am in a relationship or situationship by any means. I am just happy to have met someone who knows when and where to tell me “no” and lets me be me-which lets him be him and we both get to enjoy the fruit of our ridiculously hard working lives with someone else who can appreciate all the little things about ourselves.
So to him… thank you… lets just keep having the fun that we both enjoy!!!!
Find your happiness in this world everyone!!! It's a greater joy than any monetary riches that ever existed!!!
Take care and see you soon!!!
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