The Benefits of Boredom

Hello there.  Hope all is well.  Thank you for joining me here again, on this very early May morning.  Let's get started, shall we?

Boredom. 

Whether we have been taught, or self convincingly began to portray it to be a bad thing, who knows, but is it really? 

Before I walk down the path of answering that question, let me give you some shoes... Or footing of reasoning.  Then we can get back to the point. Bear with me for a minute.

So... a few years ago, I stumbled upon some really great public/motivational speakers hosted by a company called "Mindvalley".  To say "company" is an understatement. It is more of a community of phenomenal people who have come together to share their knowledge and insights into creating whatever you need for and within yourself.  It is really a unique experience to listen to what they have to say. 

When I did happen upon it, times were exceptionally uncertain for me and my family, and to say that discovering it could not have come at a better time, would not be a cliche.

  While scrolling through random videos, there was one of which the title really resonated with me.  It was about resilience- and when things are really tough and you don't know how you are going to pull through some periods in your life, the concept of resilience resembles nothing more than a pipe dream. Alternatively, when you are in those periods, you can also ask yourself,

"What do I have to lose?" 

I opted for the latter and pressed play...

To this day, I never regretted it. In fact, it may have changed my life.

That speech is "How to Cultivate Extreme Resilience" by Dr. Srikumar Rao. The overall presentation is completely worth watching, however there are five major takeaways from it.  For the purpose of this blog, I am only going to write about one of them, although I may mention them again in future blogs.

So one of the key elements to resilience has to do with "reframing"-it basically means that you reframe your way of thinking so that you reconsider the way you react to something.  The best example is the one he used in his presentation, which really breaks it down to basics, so I will use his.

Say you are sitting in traffic and waiting at a red light when right as it turns green, someone flies past you, cutting you off and almost hitting you.  Naturally most people get angry at both the situation and the other driver...

Now, instead of getting and possibly staying angry, consider this... What if you discovered that the other person was driving like crazy because he/she had just received a phone call that their child was in a terrible accident and they were on their way to the hospital before it was too late to say goodbye...?  Kind of changes things doesn't it.? Any parent could relate that there is no speed fast enough in that situation,and are you really concerned about traffic tickets at that point? I would say no.

This is how reframing thoughts plays into the affects our reactions. People are going to do what they are going to do, no matter how we react, or how it affects us. We most likely have no idea why they do it, whether a life or death situation, or not.  But rather than instantly react to the action,  we should consider the big picture.  

So next time a crazy driver interferes with your peace or your right of way at a green light, instead of getting all angry and cursing words they will never be able to hear, remain calm and tell yourself,

"Man, that person must really have somewhere important they have to be!"

and move on with your day....

Now, should that person NOT have to be somewhere important, and really IS a total d-bag a**hole driver, just know that there is one really powerful force to be reckoned with, so let that force handle that situation... 

Yep, good ole Karma...  either way, whatever happens is beyond your control, so why get all worked up about it?

If you take this approach in other aspects of your life, you would be ridiculously surprised at how much changes in your life... You can look at your "struggles" as challenges instead of hardships, you will lessen the instant anger approach, where blame and (believe it or not) self pity no longer exist. You will be more calm, patient, relaxed, adaptable, and most importantly...

genuinely resilient.

Best of all, you can begin today. Don't get frustrated if you feel like it is not working, because frustration leads to anger, and if you get to that point, then what is the point? Be patient, take your time to practice this, and I guarantee, you will see and feel, a wonderful difference.

***

Ok, so back to the original topic of this blog....Boredom

Why do we believe boredom to be a bad thing? And what does it have to do with resilience? Well, it is not resilience actually, it is about the reframing part.  

Let's say for a moment that you have to take the side of boredom being a good thing. How would you argue that point? Well, if you don't think it is, or have no idea how to go about explaining it, then, let's investigate this further.

As I mentioned in my first blog, I have a tendency to get bored very easily.  This is either due to, or in combination with the fact that I learn things very quickly, and once I have learned it and feel as if I have mastered it enough to both use it and possibly teach it, I tend to lose interest in doing it as often or sometimes doing it at all. So then I find something else and the process starts all over again.  I am utterly bored by anything repetitious, monotonous and anything that fails to offer any real form of a continuous challenge in some way.  Respectively, I also dislike the feeling of boredom.  This is where boredom becomes a positive...

Explanation?

You got it!

When I get bored, I seek out something to do. A new challenge, an unlearned subject, sometimes a different job.  The key word is "New".  If I were to write all of my new experiences, new places i had been, new trades or skills i learned/acquired, new foods I have tried, new careers or changes in college majors leading to new degrees,  and handed them in as a summary of my moments of boredom, one would fully understand just how important it was to keep me entertained...

The truth is, that it is not just for my entertainment. That is only a small portion, if any, actually. Boredom should not be viewed as a negative lull in your life. If it is that way for you, then you are not really living. For me, boredom is an opportunity! An opportunity to experience and create experiences. One of the greatest opportunities that no one can take from us, it doesn't require money, you can share it with anyone or no one, you can do it anywhere, and everywhere. 

Don't believe me? Let me share one of my many boredom opportunities with you.  Just one, don't worry. I don't think you are ready for all of them yet:)

I was staying with my partner at his friend's house right before we moved from California. He lived on a pretty good size property, lots of acreage up near the Sierra Nevada mountains.  We were waiting for our final checks to come in before we made the final move, and we were both broke, couldn't go anywhere, and pretty bored, as other than our clothes, our other belongings were already packed up.  While he was hanging out with his friend, I really had nothing to do, but it was a really nice day outside.  So rather than vegging out on the couch doing nothing or being annoyed by the fact that we had been waiting multiple days past the time we had originally intended on leaving, I used my boredom and turned it into an opportunity for a new experience. 

I grabbed one of my empty backpacks, threw a few water bottles in it, a snack or two, my phone, a large knife just in case i encountered some wildlife (a real possibility in this area), and a large can of mosquito repellent (this is my summer perfume- my body does not react well to mosquito bites...at all.) I threw on some jeans, boots, hat and headed towards the stream along the side of the mountain.  

Even though I didn't know what my plan was, or my intended goal, or if I even had one, that didn't stop me from moving forward. What did I get out of it? A lot actually. I got a really good workout traversing boulders and climbing steep hills, jumping over fallen trees and watered areas...And I began to take notice of many of the unique rocks I found along the way.  This was a piece of the once large gold mining area at one time so the prospect of maaayyyybe finding something valuable was kind of exciting.  Overall, I had a great time and it really sparked an interest in learning about the different types of rocks, minerals, etc.-Something new to research when i got back. I love research. 

Okay now let's sum this up:

cost: nothing

effort: depends on what you put into it

time: a few hours of boredom absolutely crushed by a really great physical, and mental experience

outcome: appreciation of something usually passed up and not taken notice of, but now in the forefront of my focus to learn more about. 

***

Boredom should be used in your favor.  Anytime you are bored, get up and find something to do or to learn.  I remember when I was younger and telling my grandparents i was bored. To which they would say,

"Get up and find something to do or I will find something to do for you."

This usually meant they would find some kind of chore for me to do- or at least that is what I took from what they were saying.  What I should have paid more attention to is the "find something to do '' part, because they were giving me an opportunity to find my own experience, before they actually gave me something to do that I more than likely wouldn't choose or really didn't want to do.

So, on that note, now that this post is just about to end...

"Get up and find something to do!!!"

Thanks for being here!

Take care!!

Balance?

hello world. Yes, I know it has been a long time since my last post, and I really did intend on being more consistent with my blogs. The last couple of months have been a bit of a whirl wind. There has been so many different events and let us not even get into the emotional ramifications of all of them. Speaking of which, I know I did say my plan was to keep this blog light-hearted and hopefully fun, maybe even funny. But then I leave you for a few months with the single most painful event in my life as the subject of my last post. So hopefully it hasn't deterred you from visiting again.  And while it may not show up any time soon, be aware and prepared for seeing a blog called "Part II". It is another rough one for me, or at least it will be. I haven't written it yet because the inspiration for it is still a little too fresh on the emotional level for me to make it to the end successfully.  But, it will exist! 

When I started out writing this particular entry, I really did not have much of a direction or idea about what to write. Instead I just had a moment- one of those rare ones to myself.  Being as it  had been so long, I figured perfect timing. Well that was cut short by who knows what, as usual, but I'm glad it was because, like i said, I wasn't really going anywhere with it. But, as luck or life would have it, an event in my life, although unfortunate, has put words into my fingers yet again. 

So today I am going to talk about the universe, not the NASA one, but the bigger one- the outer and inner aspect of our energies.  Now, if you do not know what I am talking about, I will try to explain.  This will require me to say the word "religion"-please don't run away, I'm just saying the word, not actually talking about it. I know I said I am not going to DISCUSS religion here-and I plan on staying true to my word about that... however, this is only for explanatory purposes, so bear with me for a minute.  

Ok, so for me personally, I am not really into the idea of religion as it is structurally represented or practiced.  I believe in a larger "something" than a bunch of categorized beliefs by different groups that often lead to more conflict than what the definition of religion is intended to be or do. I believe in the concept of the "Universe". Some call it spiritualism, just to give it a category, but that is only one aspect of it.  So basically, it is the belief that we are ALL part of a big "something" that connects us in some way.  It is a, simply put, a force of energy, that we all share.  This includes everything from people to animals and all living things.  Although we all have it, it is not the same for everyone.  Some exude very positive energy, some negative and some that try to "steal" it from others.  You may have heard the phrase that someone gives off a negative or positive "vibe"-well, that is the most simple way of trying to understand it. 

Anyways, our energies, no matter what they are, are also only a portion of the concept of the Universe.  For those who believe in it, also believe that the Universe has a way of Balancing itself and the parts of it.  Chinese philosophy has defined, and firmly believes in the concept of this balance, to this day, with Yin and Yang- you may have seen the symbol-  

 It is the philosophy of the Universes interconnectedness and balance within and amongst itself.  Black and white, light and dark, man and woman, for every positive there is a negative, etc.  Balance is the key element of the Universe.  Including the idea of "full circle"-as in everything is supposed to complete itself and return to its initial state- like a life balance-more on this later too.

There really is a lot more to it, but if I started talking about the way things are going in my life, without introducing at least a part of this, you may start asking yourself "what the hell is she talking about?"  And you still may ask yourself that, but if I can help to clarify my ramblings in anyway, I am more than happy to help:) 

Now back to it...

In a way my life has been a prime example of this balance-although it never seemed so at the time-or I didn't understand what goods there were with all of the bads.  The truth is, my life has never been easy. At least not for very long periods. It has been very rough and uncertain and plagued with instability. Sometimes of my own doing, but many times, completely out of my control. Either way, the evidence of the negatives was always so much more apparent than the visual of the positives.  Or at least it seemed.  With so much negative in the forefront, It is hard to allow yourself to see or realize what is positive in your situation and your life. 

Growing up, my actual home-life was a mess.  There was a lot of just bad stuff going on all the time. I wont go into much detail because, it wasn't just my home-life, and I would never put anything or anyone on blast for anything that happened in the past, but just know, it wasn't always pretty nor pleasant.  Being young, it would be easy to say back then that there was nothing good about that part of my life. Realizing the positives that did exist did not come until a much later time.  And that was that even though I had this negative environment in one place, I was fortunadte enough to have a safe haven-at any time, day or night, rain or shine.  A place where there was always enough to eat, a comfortable place to sleep, peace,  security, laughter, and more love than you could ever dream of.  this place was my grandparents' house. The ones i wrote about in Part 1.  I could easily spend countless hours sharing all the wonderful-ness of that place with those very special people, but for now, I want to get back to the original point. .. Balance.

Despite all of the negatives I endured, at the same time, I was the recipient of some very amazing positives.  As young and as distracted by circumstances, as I was back then, I failed to see all parts of this big picture.  I can guess that maybe I wasn't supposed to get it yet. And if I had, would it have changed anything? And does that really matter at all? 

So what part does balance play in our lives? For me and my life, Balance is not somewhere meeting in the middle, it is balancing of the complete opposite ends of the spectrum- the extreme of the extremes- much like winning a jackpot one day and going to jail the next- believe me, it does happen, it wasn't me, but close enough.  After a while you almost begin expecting that   when thing happens, something reciprocal follows closely behind.  It doesn't matter what it is, its how you deal with it, or learn how to adapt to it.  An extreme balance situation can literally make you or break you, and if you don't arm yourself with the right mindset, you will be defeated before you know what hit you.

I have found that getting angry about it, frustrated, or succumbing to "the last straw" only furthers the existence of self-defeat, doubt, and literal depression. And it may actual be true that only the strong survive.  But the missing piece to that concept, the most essential aspect that is left out, and that which may actual save us, is that yes, only the strong survive, but in learning to survive, we gain our strength. From our struggles and fears, worries, tears, broken hearts, injured hope, and disappointments, we can cultivate a remarkable amount of strength. To overcome one, is one step to overcome any.  

When you hear people talking about living a balanced life, it is usually associated with eating a balanced diet or balancing the time you work, play, or spend with your friends and family. But I don't believe this to be true balance- it is merely a matter of time management.  Balance can exist only internally, for yourself, your mind, your emotional wellbeing.  How does one measure this balance? You can start with a few basic questions. While they are essentially simple ones, in order to answer them, you  have to really dig deep down and ask yourself- do i have gratitude for the ups,  and take something away from the downs? Do I accept that negative does exist, but always steer in the direction of the positives?

You may have heard, said or even believe, that "everything we have been taught is wrong"...And for much of it, this may actually be the case.  Or maybe it is not wrong, but just fundamentally flawed either design, or  expectation.  If true balance has been taught to be measured by external results, then unfortunately such error has overruled. If you agree, you may be asking yourself, what now? How am i supposed to start over in this newfound quest for balance? It's conceptually easy, and implementally (made up word;) much more difficult.  But this is how you do it...

gain from your losses

prepare for the worst and hope for the best

allow yourself to first feel, then rest and recover, then overcome.

When you feel you have nothing left to give, remember you can never run out of kindness.

If you want to change your world, it's not about changing your attitude-Knowing you want better, or knowing there is hope and positivity within you- is your attitude...which can become your change. So instead of changing your attitude, attitude your change. 

Thanks for making it this far with me. 

See you soon. 

Take care!