When I started out writing this particular entry, I really did not have much of a direction or idea about what to write. Instead I just had a moment- one of those rare ones to myself. Being as it had been so long, I figured perfect timing. Well that was cut short by who knows what, as usual, but I'm glad it was because, like i said, I wasn't really going anywhere with it. But, as luck or life would have it, an event in my life, although unfortunate, has put words into my fingers yet again.
So today I am going to talk about the universe, not the NASA one, but the bigger one- the outer and inner aspect of our energies. Now, if you do not know what I am talking about, I will try to explain. This will require me to say the word "religion"-please don't run away, I'm just saying the word, not actually talking about it. I know I said I am not going to DISCUSS religion here-and I plan on staying true to my word about that... however, this is only for explanatory purposes, so bear with me for a minute.
Ok, so for me personally, I am not really into the idea of religion as it is structurally represented or practiced. I believe in a larger "something" than a bunch of categorized beliefs by different groups that often lead to more conflict than what the definition of religion is intended to be or do. I believe in the concept of the "Universe". Some call it spiritualism, just to give it a category, but that is only one aspect of it. So basically, it is the belief that we are ALL part of a big "something" that connects us in some way. It is a, simply put, a force of energy, that we all share. This includes everything from people to animals and all living things. Although we all have it, it is not the same for everyone. Some exude very positive energy, some negative and some that try to "steal" it from others. You may have heard the phrase that someone gives off a negative or positive "vibe"-well, that is the most simple way of trying to understand it.
Anyways, our energies, no matter what they are, are also only a portion of the concept of the Universe. For those who believe in it, also believe that the Universe has a way of Balancing itself and the parts of it. Chinese philosophy has defined, and firmly believes in the concept of this balance, to this day, with Yin and Yang- you may have seen the symbol- 
It is the philosophy of the Universes interconnectedness and balance within and amongst itself. Black and white, light and dark, man and woman, for every positive there is a negative, etc. Balance is the key element of the Universe. Including the idea of "full circle"-as in everything is supposed to complete itself and return to its initial state- like a life balance-more on this later too.
There really is a lot more to it, but if I started talking about the way things are going in my life, without introducing at least a part of this, you may start asking yourself "what the hell is she talking about?" And you still may ask yourself that, but if I can help to clarify my ramblings in anyway, I am more than happy to help:)
Now back to it...
In a way my life has been a prime example of this balance-although it never seemed so at the time-or I didn't understand what goods there were with all of the bads. The truth is, my life has never been easy. At least not for very long periods. It has been very rough and uncertain and plagued with instability. Sometimes of my own doing, but many times, completely out of my control. Either way, the evidence of the negatives was always so much more apparent than the visual of the positives. Or at least it seemed. With so much negative in the forefront, It is hard to allow yourself to see or realize what is positive in your situation and your life.
Growing up, my actual home-life was a mess. There was a lot of just bad stuff going on all the time. I wont go into much detail because, it wasn't just my home-life, and I would never put anything or anyone on blast for anything that happened in the past, but just know, it wasn't always pretty nor pleasant. Being young, it would be easy to say back then that there was nothing good about that part of my life. Realizing the positives that did exist did not come until a much later time. And that was that even though I had this negative environment in one place, I was fortunadte enough to have a safe haven-at any time, day or night, rain or shine. A place where there was always enough to eat, a comfortable place to sleep, peace, security, laughter, and more love than you could ever dream of. this place was my grandparents' house. The ones i wrote about in Part 1. I could easily spend countless hours sharing all the wonderful-ness of that place with those very special people, but for now, I want to get back to the original point. .. Balance.
Despite all of the negatives I endured, at the same time, I was the recipient of some very amazing positives. As young and as distracted by circumstances, as I was back then, I failed to see all parts of this big picture. I can guess that maybe I wasn't supposed to get it yet. And if I had, would it have changed anything? And does that really matter at all?
So what part does balance play in our lives? For me and my life, Balance is not somewhere meeting in the middle, it is balancing of the complete opposite ends of the spectrum- the extreme of the extremes- much like winning a jackpot one day and going to jail the next- believe me, it does happen, it wasn't me, but close enough. After a while you almost begin expecting that when thing happens, something reciprocal follows closely behind. It doesn't matter what it is, its how you deal with it, or learn how to adapt to it. An extreme balance situation can literally make you or break you, and if you don't arm yourself with the right mindset, you will be defeated before you know what hit you.
I have found that getting angry about it, frustrated, or succumbing to "the last straw" only furthers the existence of self-defeat, doubt, and literal depression. And it may actual be true that only the strong survive. But the missing piece to that concept, the most essential aspect that is left out, and that which may actual save us, is that yes, only the strong survive, but in learning to survive, we gain our strength. From our struggles and fears, worries, tears, broken hearts, injured hope, and disappointments, we can cultivate a remarkable amount of strength. To overcome one, is one step to overcome any.
When you hear people talking about living a balanced life, it is usually associated with eating a balanced diet or balancing the time you work, play, or spend with your friends and family. But I don't believe this to be true balance- it is merely a matter of time management. Balance can exist only internally, for yourself, your mind, your emotional wellbeing. How does one measure this balance? You can start with a few basic questions. While they are essentially simple ones, in order to answer them, you have to really dig deep down and ask yourself- do i have gratitude for the ups, and take something away from the downs? Do I accept that negative does exist, but always steer in the direction of the positives?
You may have heard, said or even believe, that "everything we have been taught is wrong"...And for much of it, this may actually be the case. Or maybe it is not wrong, but just fundamentally flawed either design, or expectation. If true balance has been taught to be measured by external results, then unfortunately such error has overruled. If you agree, you may be asking yourself, what now? How am i supposed to start over in this newfound quest for balance? It's conceptually easy, and implementally (made up word;) much more difficult. But this is how you do it...
gain from your losses
prepare for the worst and hope for the best
allow yourself to first feel, then rest and recover, then overcome.
When you feel you have nothing left to give, remember you can never run out of kindness.
If you want to change your world, it's not about changing your attitude-Knowing you want better, or knowing there is hope and positivity within you- is your attitude...which can become your change. So instead of changing your attitude, attitude your change.
Thanks for making it this far with me.
See you soon.
Take care!
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