Hello beautiful world!!! I hope you are living in the season of your choosing- unless you live in NEVADA, which means you only have two- freezing cold or burning hot. Today we got a taste of what we like to call back in California- “Autumn”, or at least it felt that way. That made me happy. Autumn is my favorite season, but I haven't seen it since 2020. Who knew autumn came as one day in the middle of May?? Good to know:)
As always my intro has nothing to do with what today's lovely blog is about, but hey, that's how I roll.
A few years ago, I wrote “What Kids?” and stated there would be a Part 2…I never said exactly when…but here it is… 3 or 4 years later…better late than never! Soooooo… on we go!
Before I get started I would like to just reiterate, that I am in no way an expert in parenting- that my dears is a true fallacy, and although I have taken multiple child development classes especially in the course of my nursing education, I have found that while they do provide an “insight” into child development, there is no better course in parenting, than to actually become a parent. Who would have known?
As I stated before, we have the potential to really screw up our kids. In that same respect, we also have the potential to create something really amazing. And to “toot my own horn” I did just that. But before I revel in my greatest accomplishment, let's talk about how that came to be. Backstory in 3…2..1…
A while back I wrote about how my life was all of a sudden turned upside down and I ended up living in my car. Well, unfortunately I wasn't alone. With me was my nine year old son and our two dogs. His dad was in a separate car. We spent about 3 years in our car doing everything we could to both survive and try to get out of our situation. One of my biggest fears was the emotional repercussions this experience could have on my son. He was such a sweet, innocent, kind hearted, loving, and wonderfully well behaved. The last thing I wanted was for anything to change any of it. I wasn't sure how I was going to prevent damage, or even if I could, but I couldn't dwell on it. I continued parenting him the way I always had and really hoped for the best.
Needless to say, being in a car came with many hardships and positions of potential dangers. My goal was to make it the least traumatic experience possible. The most significant instances were those of big change.
We had been housed for a couple short months and one day I was told we could no longer stay there and had to be out that night. My first thought, “don't panic”. But where the hell are you going to go when you're staying in the mountains, in the winter with a kid, two dogs, no gas and no money.
So my son was all snug in his bed playing on his phone and I sat down next to him. I told him I needed to talk to him and he put down his phone. I held his hand and looked at his beautiful brown eyes and said,
“Baby, tonight there is going to be a big change. We cannot live here anymore.When the time comes, I need you to be strong and not get upset. You don't have to do any work, I will take care of it, but I still need you to be strong. So however you are feeling about it, let it out, process it now so you can be strong later. If you're scared, it's ok, so am I. If you need to cry, cry, it's ok”He looked at me and said he was scared and we spent the next ten minutes both crying and hugging each other. I waited for him to let go first and then I wiped his eyes, asked him if he was ok and feeling better and he said yes. Then we calmly discussed what was going to happen next. That evening, when the time came, he walked out of there confident and strong, and no longer scared.
Now my baby is a senior in high school. He is emotionally intelligent, well adjusted, smart, smarter ass just like his mom and dad, still sweet, innocent, kind hearted, loving, still exceptionally well behaved and has accomplished some amazing things.
There were too many times where we went through that process throughout our journey. Despite the number, it was a good thing we did. One of the greatest gifts I gave him was providing a safe space to process his emotions. One where there is no judgment, no anger, no punishment, no questions. Just a place to allow him to deal with all the unfortunate situations and difficult moments and to know he was allowed to feel whatever he wanted or needed to feel.
When you process emotions as they come, they don't get bottled up and explode all over the place later. Been there, done that, won't ever do it again, and especially wasn't going to let that happen to my son.
I would never tell anyone how to raise their kids. But please remember- all of this emotional feeling stuff is new for them. Too many adults have been through it before many times and STILL have no idea how to process them. When a child learns how to process emotions at a young age, it gives them a sense of calm, security and confidence. Before you get angry about your child being upset, take a deep breath, sit with them, hold them, and let them learn their feelings. I guarantee you will learn a lot about yours as well.
Take care little world!
See you soon
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