The Beauty in Broken Pieces

Hello Everyone! I am truly grateful to all or any of those who have found their way back to my little corner of the world. It means so much  to me.

Today, we are going to discuss broken pieces.  For some this is literal, and for others, metaphorical… for the purpose of today, my dear blogees, they can be one and the same. Because a broken heart, for example,  is a literal existence, but also metaphorical in certain contexts. 

Ok, so we all go through different  things in our lives, some people are fortunate to have never experienced true hard times or misfortune, so to them I say, WTF MAN!!! Lol. JK. But those few people are very fortunate. For the rest of us, who have either had a few rough times, or have been through the ringer, this blog is for you, and me of course.

Merriam Webster provides today’s definition:

BROKEN

   adjective

• violently separated into parts : shattered
•  damaged or altered by or as if by breaking (see break entry 1): such as having undergone or been subjected to fracture
• not working properly
• being irregular, interrupted, or full of obstacles
• violated by transgression : not kept or honored
•  discontinuous, interrupted
• disrupted by change

Yes, yes, yes, all of these. Sometimes individually, and sometimes all at once. 

• Shattered- been there.
•  Damaged or altered- I would say so,
•  Not working properly- you know they make medications for that? Lol 
• Being irregular, interrupted or full of obstacles- are you talking about me?
• Violated by transgression- uh, duh. 
• Discontinuous, interrupted- story of my life. 
• Disrupted by change- meh, nothing I cant handle.

So obviously I've had my fair share of damage. And there may be so many of you out there who have too, and believe it or not, it's OK It IS survivable. And it CAN be fantastic. I have always said that our life is what we make of it. We have literally no control of most things, but it shouldn't matter because it is not what happens to us, it is how we respond to it. 

 *NOTE!- not how we react to it. Reactions imply a negative response. Why? Have you ever heard of a positive allergic response? Exactly.

Anyways… When something is broken, the one thing that comes with it is the ability to fix it. But if something can not be fixed, why hold onto it?There is nothing wrong with letting something go, especially if it is not conducive to your peace, happiness or wellbeing. I know letting go is extremely difficult. I have let go of so many things in my life, many not by choice. But the ones that were by choice, became something wonderful…. Eventually.  Letting go does require a bit of patience, but like I always say, “it's not going to be like this forever.”

I have spoken many times about my son’s father. He's a great man. But 3 years ago, he was the root of my misery, because he himself was miserable. We had spent the better part of 5 years, at least, living in toxicity. We fought all the time, resented each other for making each other miserable, and all the good old fun drama you could expect when you spend literally half of your life with someone.  At some point, I couldn't do it anymore. We were the worst case scenario for each other, but despite it all, we loved each other too much to end it.  But what I discovered is that there was someone I loved more than him, other than my son of course, but I loved me more. And it wasn't selfish love, because I knew I could not be the best mom I needed to be living that way. How could I teach my son about love and happiness when I was being a total hypocrite being miserable with the person I loved.? I couldn't

So, I made the decision to live for me and I ended the relationship. And how did that end up, you ask? Well, I'm not going to lie, but the first year was really difficult. So many emotions to deal with after 18 years of being together, but I held my ground, and established my boundaries. And surprisingly, he respected them.

Today, I have a best friend. The best friend I had before the relationship. We talk about everything, talk about the people we date, the people we let go, the things that happen in our lives. When one of us is struggling, the other one picks up the slack, both financially and in regards to moral support. And it goes both ways. We have both been broken to pieces in the relationship. And what remained was literally a bunch of broken pieces. But here's the best part. With those pieces, we were able to recreate our own personal somethings. And our two separate somethings, are quite beautiful on their own, because they are built without the toxicity, the anger, the blame and resentment and all those negative things that caused us to break in the first place.

I didn't intend to make this blog about my relationship with him specifically. But it could not be more appropriately timed because it is his birthday.. sooo....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUTTHEAD!!!!!!

But it was probably the best example I could use to demonstrate my point, which is….

When things in your life fall apart, look at it as something fantastic. Obviously, whatever you were doing was not working, so it crumbled. When your pieces are lying there in front of you, that is a clean slate. You can take those pieces and turn them into whatever you want. Easier said than done right? Fair enough. But just changing the mindset of how you look at what you have in front of you is a good place to start.  Rebuilding will take time, no doubt. But you are going to have to rebuild anyways, might as well be something you can truly be happy with.

Take care little world! 

See you soon.

The Calm in the Storm (“What Kids?” Part 2)

Hello beautiful world!!! I hope you are living in the season of your choosing- unless you live in NEVADA, which means you only have two- freezing cold or burning hot. Today we got a taste of what we like to call back in California- “Autumn”, or at least it felt that way. That  made me happy. Autumn is my favorite season, but I haven't seen it since 2020. Who knew autumn came as one day in the middle of May?? Good to know:)

As  always my intro has nothing to do with what today's lovely blog is about, but hey, that's how I roll.

A few years ago, I wrote “What Kids?” and stated there would be a Part 2…I never said exactly when…but here it is… 3 or 4 years later…better late than never! Soooooo… on we go!

Before I get started I would like to just reiterate, that I am in no way an expert in parenting- that my dears is a true fallacy, and although I have taken multiple child development classes especially in the course of my nursing education,  I have found that while they do provide an  “insight” into child development, there is no better course in parenting, than to actually become a parent. Who would have known?

As I stated before, we have the potential to really screw up our kids. In that same respect, we also have the potential to create something really amazing. And to “toot my own horn” I did just that. But before I revel in my greatest accomplishment, let's talk about how that came to be. Backstory in 3…2..1…

A while back I wrote about how my life was all of a sudden turned upside down and I ended up living in my car. Well, unfortunately I wasn't alone. With me was my nine year old son and our two dogs. His dad was in a separate car. We spent about 3 years in our car doing everything we could to both survive and try to get out of our situation. One of my biggest fears was the emotional repercussions this experience could have on my son. He was such a sweet, innocent, kind hearted, loving, and wonderfully well behaved. The last thing I wanted was for anything to change any of it. I wasn't sure how I was going to prevent damage, or even if I could, but I couldn't dwell on it. I continued parenting him the way I always had and really hoped for the best.

Needless to say, being in a car came with many hardships and positions of potential dangers. My goal was to make it the least traumatic experience possible. The most significant instances were those of big change.

We had been housed for a couple short months and one day I was told we could no longer stay there and had to be out that night. My first thought, “don't panic”. But where the hell are you going to go when you're staying in the mountains, in the winter with a kid, two dogs, no gas and no money. 

So my son was all snug in his bed playing on his phone and I sat down next to him. I told him I needed to talk to him and he put down his phone. I held his hand and looked at his beautiful brown eyes and said,

“Baby, tonight there is going to be a big change. We cannot live here anymore.When the time comes, I need you to be strong and not get upset. You don't have to do any work, I will take care of it, but I still need you to be strong. So however you are feeling about it, let it out, process it now so you can be strong later. If you're scared, it's ok, so am I. If you need to cry,  cry, it's ok”He looked at me and said he was scared and we spent the next ten minutes both crying and hugging each other. I waited for him to let go first and then I wiped his eyes, asked him if he was ok and feeling better and he said yes. Then we calmly discussed what was going to happen next.  That evening, when the time came, he walked out of there confident and strong, and no longer scared. 

 

Now my baby is a senior in high school. He is emotionally intelligent, well adjusted, smart, smarter ass just like his mom and dad, still sweet, innocent, kind hearted, loving, still exceptionally well behaved and has accomplished some amazing things. 

There were too many times where we went through that process throughout our journey. Despite the number, it was a good thing we did.  One of the greatest gifts I gave him was providing a safe space to process his emotions. One where there is no judgment, no anger, no punishment, no questions. Just a place to allow him to deal with all the unfortunate situations and difficult moments and to know he was allowed to feel whatever he wanted or needed to feel. 

When you process emotions as they come, they don't get bottled up and explode all over the place later. Been there, done that, won't ever do it again, and especially wasn't going to  let that happen to my son.

I would never tell anyone how to raise their kids. But please remember- all of this emotional feeling stuff is new for them. Too many adults have been through it before many times and STILL have no idea how to process them. When a child learns how to process emotions at a young age, it gives them a sense of calm, security and confidence. Before you get angry about your child being upset, take a deep breath, sit with them, hold them, and let them learn their feelings. I guarantee you will learn a lot about yours as well.

Take care little world!

See you soon