When do we reach our limits? When do we get to the point where we just will not tolerate the bullshit anymore? And does everyone get to that point or do some people just keep taking it and neglect their personal needs?
I for one have put up with more than I should have. But on the same note, I no longer put up with anyone elses nonsense. Sometimes your breaking point is a pivotal moment and sometimes it is nothing more than dealing with a life that you know you deserve so much better.
I speak about gratitude quite often. I truly believe you cannot progress in life unless you are grateful for the things you currently have.
As I mentioned before, I don't disclose everything about myself all at once and my openness is generally tied to a subject which I feel strongly about. But today I am going to let you in on a very personal, difficult time in my life. My goal is not to sway you in any way shape or form but to provide an experience that quite possibly, someone out there can relate to- as difficult as it may be, it is always better to know that there is someone out there that has gone through a similar situation. It's more therapeutic than you could ever imagine.
So my dear bloggees… strap on your seatbelts, it's about to be a bumpy ride..
In 2017, my world literally came crashing down. My partner at the time was recovering from a life threatening illness, neither of us could work..( and prior to this, he was the lead paramedic for a professional NFL team, and I was a nurse at a county jail) needless to say, we had been doing quite well for ourselves up until this time. But, what most people don't realize is that as humans we are all one bad paycheck away from disaster at any time in our lives.
Our mortgage lender was literally the most shady lender in the history of the world and when we tried to modify, we were denied only to find out they had modified our mortgage and kept the money for themselves.--- FYI- I AM writing a book about the whole situation.
Moving on… our house was sold under our feet and the money we were supposed to automatically get, we ended up having to fight for it in court for almost a year. By that time we were evicted from the home we raised our kids in and worked so hard to have.
From that point on, we spent 3 years living in our cars or anywhere we could afford to rest our heads. Despite the absolutely unfortunate situation, I did everything I could to keep my son in the highest of spirits and try to give him the best of everything I possibly could-focusing on the “fun” and treating it like an adventure rather than a tragedy.
November 2020, I made the very difficult decision to leave California- the state I was born and raised in and was completely faithful to, until the sentiment was no longer reciprocated. I uprooted my family, taking them away from the family we always knew and never looked back.
As difficult as it was, it truly was one of the greatest choices I ever made for my family.I ended up in (my thought process at the time) one of the most tombstone-esque towns imaginable, giving up my beautiful stilettos bc as I learned, you cannot wear stilettos in the desert- might a well be flats.
But it gave me the opportunity to start over. I got a job as a bartender in one of the biggest small town casinos and I got to know the community. As “BFE” as it was, it provided an opportunity to start fresh and re-establish myself and more importantly, learn some things about myself that never had the chance to shine before. I finally got to live “MY” life.
There were some major changes to my family dynamic. Changes that were literally soul crushing and traumatic. But…
I survived.
And my driving force was gratitude… gratitude for the rundown trailer I lived in that provided a steady roof over my family's head. Gratitude for the landlord that threw away all of our leftover stuff when we moved out-but first gave me an opportunity to live in a safe, clean, very cute apartment which was the first stable dwelling we lived in in almost 4 years. Gratitude for the job I had in a city which was more than an hour and a half away and I had to commute, which sucked because I hate driving and it gives me anxiety.lol. But I busted my butt when I was there… and it didn't go unnoticed.
Today, june 2025, I manage the beverage department of the biggest, most recognized casino in northern nevada and i now live in the same city.lol
And going back to the original topic of this blog… I could not be here if I accepted anyone else's bullshit, or let anyone tell me what I can or cannot do… I had the goal of providing stability to my son, and even though some months are harder than others, I have done it. I still do it. And no matter what your circumstances are… you can too!!!
Take care little world! You are so much stronger than you even know! And I am here for you if you ever need to talk about anything!!
See you soon!
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