Miserable and Uncomfortable

 Hello little world! Is everyone wearing their smiles today??? 

Just kidding, but you should be-as much as you can. They are contagious you know- more so than Covid, and it feels so much better than Covid when you get one.- speaking of covid, I am going on 11 months of no taste or smell still. Yup. Suck City.  But that is a whole other blog for a different time, not this one, so let me get un-side tracked.

Ready? ok, fingers on the home keys... and GO!

On this episode...

We may bounce around a bit, but this time its intentional and I am not just following my wild thought trail without a map.  I actually have a map this time. lol. So first on the agenda... Neologisms.

What are Neologisms? Its basically a fancy word for "new words". Psychology has its own definition for neologism as well, but that one is associated with a disorder, and despite my ramblings sometimes being disorderly, it is completely unrelated. 

Either way, I often come up with new words that just seem to fit the moment, and then later look them up to see if they already exist.  When they don't, I take those words or short phrases and submit them to Urban Dictionary for review.  As of this moment, I officially have five (5) submitted and published Neologisms;  1)Fellowers  2) Clawdust  3)Primitively deficient 4) Shelter impaired 5) Skroll.  You may look them up on Urban Dictionary.  

Today you all get to be witness to my sixth submitted (although not yet published) neologism, as you all are my inspiration. So, without further delay, dun duh duh dun....

"BLOGGEES" ...Ok not really that exciting, lol. 

Like employer and employees, I am a blogger and you are my bloggees. Except I'm not in charge, and you are not getting paid. But you get the idea. 

Moving on.

Next order of business: Grudges, baggage and the statute of limitations.

Now obviously these words are completely unrelated by the meaning of their definitions when speaking of them literally. Figuratively, on the other hand, they actually do, and should go hand in hand  (pun intended) and respectively do follow the order above.

A grudge is not just a creepy person that crawls out of a tv  and needs a haircut and some vitamin D. It is actually what the movie is about. It can be a noun, verb or adjective, but for this blog,  I am using it as a noun- 

"a feeling of ill will or resentment" (dictionary.com)

Grudges, unfortunately play a tremendous role in not just our personal lives, but on a global scale. They are the underlying "emotion" for almost all forms of conflict- from separations of families to wars and everything in between. Many times, it exists for no reason other than "I just don't like that person". I'm sure we have all heard this before. There is actually a "scientific" reason why we "just don't like someone", but we will save that for another time.  

It is unfortunate that people have grudges, and what is worse it how they hold onto them- this is called baggage. Baggage also takes on multiple forms and meanings- the stuff you lose at the airport, dating someone with lots of exes, babies mommies/daddies, emotional states that need some serious therapy***

***DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT REFERRING TO MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES HERE, BECAUSE MENTAL HEALTH IS A SERIOUS ISSUE, AND I TAKE IT VERY SERIOUSLY SO IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW NEEDS SOMEONE TO TALK TO OR NEEDS HELP, JUST KNOW OR TELL THEM IT IS OK TO GET IT OR TO ASK FOR IT AND DO NOT KEEP IT BOTTLED UP! THERE ARE HEALTHY WAYS TO FEEL BETTER!***

So those are a few of the many forms of baggage that exist, but today is about grudge baggage specifically.

Why do we hold onto the things that make us angry or upset or can ruin our day, and for some, their whole lives? What is the point. I know people who hold onto every moment that someone hurt them or lied to them or "betrayed" them as they would put it.  But why? they are only torturing themselves- and if the person is still in their lives, maybe torturing them as well ( I'm not talking about the chained to the wall type of torture, but the emotional torture, which sucks too)

Now there are exceptions to this baggage grudge thing as well. Most of which are quite serious, and I wont go into detail, but there are things that happen to people either as children or even adults that affects them to the core, and rightfully so, which often leads to a change in their psychological wellbeing.  These results are beyond the scope of what I would consider eligible for the category of holding a grudge, and being so, they can call it whatever they want at that point.

Baggage grudges may cause some heartache, loss in trust, jealousy, fear, but all on a relatively small scale compared to other inflictions of pain (mentioned above) that we may encounter. What does holding on to those grudges and pain actually do for us.  It can initially teach us a lesson, but then what? If you do learn from it, take that knowledge and move on, leaving the anger waste behind-flush it in the toilet and forget about it. 

Consider this... all you baggage handlers out there... you know who you are...you often admit to it as if it is something to be proud of...????? anyways...

When you go on vacation, do you take your entire wardrobe with you? Hopefully not.  Generally we take the things we NEED and some of the things that make us happy.  But  would we take jackets to the desert? No. Why not? because we would be miserable and uncomfortable. No one (hopefully) wants to go through life miserable and uncomfortable, and that is exactly what they are doing to themselves.  The point is that we don't need to carry all of our baggage everywhere we go.  So why do we carry our past emotional pains, grudges, with us.

The Statute of Limitations.  

For those who do not know what the statute of limitations is, in the simplest terms, it is a limit on the time we are allowed to complain about something. It is legal in origin and refers to filing a formal complaint within the court of law.  A complaint is like suing or accusing someone of something.  Different "complaints" or accusations have different time limits and it also varies depending on what state you live  in. For example, in California, if you are injured by a person, you have up to two years to file a legal complaint about it, after which time, the judge will generally not "hear" or consider your complaint (case).

So what does this have to do with today's topic? For some grudge holders, nothing at all... because they can hold onto their grudges for...ev...errr. Maybe it is just me, but I really feel that if we have to live with the grudge holding of others, we should be able create some grudge ground rules. We can impose our own "Relationship Statute of Limitations (RSL)". This is not just for our 'significant other' relationships, but familial and all other personal relationships. And just like in law, we can break it down by "degrees" or the "how-bad-was-it". 

In our RSL, for example, we could say that if someone lies to you, they are allowed to hold a grudge from  one hour to 6 months depending on the severity of the lie and other factors. If someone steals something from you (other than stealing of significant other) then your RSL could be as long as 1 year, maybe more. 

I know that maybe this is an impossible idea, but it may be necessary in many cases.  I can just imagine trying to create this guideline-what a disaster. You would have to find a group of completely unbiased individuals that have never been wronged in their life, and to all agree upon appropriate time limits. Good luck, right?

On the pro side, think of all of the feuding countries, or divided families that would be required to give up their grudges after a certain amount of time. It would definitely put an end to some long running conflicts where those involved probably don't even remember or know exactly why they are fighting in the first place. 

Everyone has their reasons, I suppose, but I really don't get why people want to live with any form of anger or resentment towards anyone. You have a right to get angry and be mad, in fact, it is necessary for emotional health and development. Key word-development- meaning you grow within that emotion and once it no longer serves you, you leave it behind.  Someone may be very comfortable in the first grade, but you can't stay there forever. I mean, you can but do you really want to be the only teenager in the first grade and never learning anything more?  Back to being miserable and uncomfortable again.

 So what is the harm in holding grudges? In my experience, it is immeasurable.  The problem with many grudges, lets say, familial for example, is that the grudge can be contagious. Let  me explain...

So hypothetical situation- You have two siblings who have always been relatively close but have had recent long distance separations from each other, which in turn does create that emotional distance between them as well.  Now, sibling one moved away but came back to visit sibling two and the rest of the family, but sibling two also brought a significant other.  For some reason, sibling two does not like the significant other.  Sibling two holds some unstated grudge against that person for whatever reason.  Sibling two creates an uncomfortable environment for sibling one and her significant other, but since sibling one is just visiting,  they are aware that they will be leaving soon and out of that environment anyways.

Fast forward about a year or two.  It is the birthday of the mother of sibling one and two, and a surprise is in the works.  Sibling one and significant other has a child, of which is extremely close to sib one and two's mother, and that child is invited to attend the birthday  party.  Sibling one, although it being that person's mother, is not invited.  Child asks if the parents (sibling one and significant other) are able to attend, and is told No. Child is very close to their parents (sibling one and significant other) and is extremely upset that their are not invited, stating "if they cannot go, then I'm not going". 

First of all, bravo to  the courageous child for standing up for the preservation of family. (cheering and applause in the crowd)

The misfortune here lies in two places- well, multiple actually, but primarily, for the child who is now forced to choose between two very important parts of his life due to sibling two having  created a division within the family- based upon a grudge, of which the reason is not understood.  Secondly, the mother is deprived of having her children and her truly loved grandchild being present at her birthday. Additionally, the tension is so firm that other members of the family either take a stand on one side, or do absolutely nothing to help which only hinders.  No matter what the reasoning is, or how you look at it, everyone loses here. 

While this may be an extreme example of the repercussions of a grudge, it does happen more often than one might think.  It is healthy and normal to be angry or upset for something, especially when a trust is broken-which usually takes longer, or if ever to recover from, but the effects of holding onto that resentment is truly a tragedy.  

In a perfect world,  not intangible by any means, we could allow ourselves to be angry, then pull ourselves together enough to understand why it effects us.  Then we can all (wo)MAN up and address it with the person it is directed to, try to reach a solution or at least a fair negotiation about it.  Only then can we genuinely and finally put the issue to rest and move forward.  

This may require forgiveness- another topic for another day, but at least we wouldn't be bottling up all of that hurt and anger and the fear of it happening again. That is no way to live. How many times do we blow up at someone when it has nothing to do with them? We are angry about something else? It is like the evil alternate dimension of "pay it forward". But instead of helping someone and it growing exponentially, we are hurting someone, which they "hurt it forward" and that pain grows exponentially instead.

However you choose to address the conflict in your life is essentially your choice. Just know that your choice, is not just your effect.  And if you know that the way you treat people will actually spread beyond yourself, wouldn't you rather spread something positive?

Well, bloggees:), take care out there, and be good to each other. Kindness and compassion are the greatest gift you can share- and, it's free!

Thanks for being here. 

See you soon.

The Benefits of Boredom

Hello there.  Hope all is well.  Thank you for joining me here again, on this very early May morning.  Let's get started, shall we?

Boredom. 

Whether we have been taught, or self convincingly began to portray it to be a bad thing, who knows, but is it really? 

Before I walk down the path of answering that question, let me give you some shoes... Or footing of reasoning.  Then we can get back to the point. Bear with me for a minute.

So... a few years ago, I stumbled upon some really great public/motivational speakers hosted by a company called "Mindvalley".  To say "company" is an understatement. It is more of a community of phenomenal people who have come together to share their knowledge and insights into creating whatever you need for and within yourself.  It is really a unique experience to listen to what they have to say. 

When I did happen upon it, times were exceptionally uncertain for me and my family, and to say that discovering it could not have come at a better time, would not be a cliche.

  While scrolling through random videos, there was one of which the title really resonated with me.  It was about resilience- and when things are really tough and you don't know how you are going to pull through some periods in your life, the concept of resilience resembles nothing more than a pipe dream. Alternatively, when you are in those periods, you can also ask yourself,

"What do I have to lose?" 

I opted for the latter and pressed play...

To this day, I never regretted it. In fact, it may have changed my life.

That speech is "How to Cultivate Extreme Resilience" by Dr. Srikumar Rao. The overall presentation is completely worth watching, however there are five major takeaways from it.  For the purpose of this blog, I am only going to write about one of them, although I may mention them again in future blogs.

So one of the key elements to resilience has to do with "reframing"-it basically means that you reframe your way of thinking so that you reconsider the way you react to something.  The best example is the one he used in his presentation, which really breaks it down to basics, so I will use his.

Say you are sitting in traffic and waiting at a red light when right as it turns green, someone flies past you, cutting you off and almost hitting you.  Naturally most people get angry at both the situation and the other driver...

Now, instead of getting and possibly staying angry, consider this... What if you discovered that the other person was driving like crazy because he/she had just received a phone call that their child was in a terrible accident and they were on their way to the hospital before it was too late to say goodbye...?  Kind of changes things doesn't it.? Any parent could relate that there is no speed fast enough in that situation,and are you really concerned about traffic tickets at that point? I would say no.

This is how reframing thoughts plays into the affects our reactions. People are going to do what they are going to do, no matter how we react, or how it affects us. We most likely have no idea why they do it, whether a life or death situation, or not.  But rather than instantly react to the action,  we should consider the big picture.  

So next time a crazy driver interferes with your peace or your right of way at a green light, instead of getting all angry and cursing words they will never be able to hear, remain calm and tell yourself,

"Man, that person must really have somewhere important they have to be!"

and move on with your day....

Now, should that person NOT have to be somewhere important, and really IS a total d-bag a**hole driver, just know that there is one really powerful force to be reckoned with, so let that force handle that situation... 

Yep, good ole Karma...  either way, whatever happens is beyond your control, so why get all worked up about it?

If you take this approach in other aspects of your life, you would be ridiculously surprised at how much changes in your life... You can look at your "struggles" as challenges instead of hardships, you will lessen the instant anger approach, where blame and (believe it or not) self pity no longer exist. You will be more calm, patient, relaxed, adaptable, and most importantly...

genuinely resilient.

Best of all, you can begin today. Don't get frustrated if you feel like it is not working, because frustration leads to anger, and if you get to that point, then what is the point? Be patient, take your time to practice this, and I guarantee, you will see and feel, a wonderful difference.

***

Ok, so back to the original topic of this blog....Boredom

Why do we believe boredom to be a bad thing? And what does it have to do with resilience? Well, it is not resilience actually, it is about the reframing part.  

Let's say for a moment that you have to take the side of boredom being a good thing. How would you argue that point? Well, if you don't think it is, or have no idea how to go about explaining it, then, let's investigate this further.

As I mentioned in my first blog, I have a tendency to get bored very easily.  This is either due to, or in combination with the fact that I learn things very quickly, and once I have learned it and feel as if I have mastered it enough to both use it and possibly teach it, I tend to lose interest in doing it as often or sometimes doing it at all. So then I find something else and the process starts all over again.  I am utterly bored by anything repetitious, monotonous and anything that fails to offer any real form of a continuous challenge in some way.  Respectively, I also dislike the feeling of boredom.  This is where boredom becomes a positive...

Explanation?

You got it!

When I get bored, I seek out something to do. A new challenge, an unlearned subject, sometimes a different job.  The key word is "New".  If I were to write all of my new experiences, new places i had been, new trades or skills i learned/acquired, new foods I have tried, new careers or changes in college majors leading to new degrees,  and handed them in as a summary of my moments of boredom, one would fully understand just how important it was to keep me entertained...

The truth is, that it is not just for my entertainment. That is only a small portion, if any, actually. Boredom should not be viewed as a negative lull in your life. If it is that way for you, then you are not really living. For me, boredom is an opportunity! An opportunity to experience and create experiences. One of the greatest opportunities that no one can take from us, it doesn't require money, you can share it with anyone or no one, you can do it anywhere, and everywhere. 

Don't believe me? Let me share one of my many boredom opportunities with you.  Just one, don't worry. I don't think you are ready for all of them yet:)

I was staying with my partner at his friend's house right before we moved from California. He lived on a pretty good size property, lots of acreage up near the Sierra Nevada mountains.  We were waiting for our final checks to come in before we made the final move, and we were both broke, couldn't go anywhere, and pretty bored, as other than our clothes, our other belongings were already packed up.  While he was hanging out with his friend, I really had nothing to do, but it was a really nice day outside.  So rather than vegging out on the couch doing nothing or being annoyed by the fact that we had been waiting multiple days past the time we had originally intended on leaving, I used my boredom and turned it into an opportunity for a new experience. 

I grabbed one of my empty backpacks, threw a few water bottles in it, a snack or two, my phone, a large knife just in case i encountered some wildlife (a real possibility in this area), and a large can of mosquito repellent (this is my summer perfume- my body does not react well to mosquito bites...at all.) I threw on some jeans, boots, hat and headed towards the stream along the side of the mountain.  

Even though I didn't know what my plan was, or my intended goal, or if I even had one, that didn't stop me from moving forward. What did I get out of it? A lot actually. I got a really good workout traversing boulders and climbing steep hills, jumping over fallen trees and watered areas...And I began to take notice of many of the unique rocks I found along the way.  This was a piece of the once large gold mining area at one time so the prospect of maaayyyybe finding something valuable was kind of exciting.  Overall, I had a great time and it really sparked an interest in learning about the different types of rocks, minerals, etc.-Something new to research when i got back. I love research. 

Okay now let's sum this up:

cost: nothing

effort: depends on what you put into it

time: a few hours of boredom absolutely crushed by a really great physical, and mental experience

outcome: appreciation of something usually passed up and not taken notice of, but now in the forefront of my focus to learn more about. 

***

Boredom should be used in your favor.  Anytime you are bored, get up and find something to do or to learn.  I remember when I was younger and telling my grandparents i was bored. To which they would say,

"Get up and find something to do or I will find something to do for you."

This usually meant they would find some kind of chore for me to do- or at least that is what I took from what they were saying.  What I should have paid more attention to is the "find something to do '' part, because they were giving me an opportunity to find my own experience, before they actually gave me something to do that I more than likely wouldn't choose or really didn't want to do.

So, on that note, now that this post is just about to end...

"Get up and find something to do!!!"

Thanks for being here!

Take care!!

Balance?

hello world. Yes, I know it has been a long time since my last post, and I really did intend on being more consistent with my blogs. The last couple of months have been a bit of a whirl wind. There has been so many different events and let us not even get into the emotional ramifications of all of them. Speaking of which, I know I did say my plan was to keep this blog light-hearted and hopefully fun, maybe even funny. But then I leave you for a few months with the single most painful event in my life as the subject of my last post. So hopefully it hasn't deterred you from visiting again.  And while it may not show up any time soon, be aware and prepared for seeing a blog called "Part II". It is another rough one for me, or at least it will be. I haven't written it yet because the inspiration for it is still a little too fresh on the emotional level for me to make it to the end successfully.  But, it will exist! 

When I started out writing this particular entry, I really did not have much of a direction or idea about what to write. Instead I just had a moment- one of those rare ones to myself.  Being as it  had been so long, I figured perfect timing. Well that was cut short by who knows what, as usual, but I'm glad it was because, like i said, I wasn't really going anywhere with it. But, as luck or life would have it, an event in my life, although unfortunate, has put words into my fingers yet again. 

So today I am going to talk about the universe, not the NASA one, but the bigger one- the outer and inner aspect of our energies.  Now, if you do not know what I am talking about, I will try to explain.  This will require me to say the word "religion"-please don't run away, I'm just saying the word, not actually talking about it. I know I said I am not going to DISCUSS religion here-and I plan on staying true to my word about that... however, this is only for explanatory purposes, so bear with me for a minute.  

Ok, so for me personally, I am not really into the idea of religion as it is structurally represented or practiced.  I believe in a larger "something" than a bunch of categorized beliefs by different groups that often lead to more conflict than what the definition of religion is intended to be or do. I believe in the concept of the "Universe". Some call it spiritualism, just to give it a category, but that is only one aspect of it.  So basically, it is the belief that we are ALL part of a big "something" that connects us in some way.  It is a, simply put, a force of energy, that we all share.  This includes everything from people to animals and all living things.  Although we all have it, it is not the same for everyone.  Some exude very positive energy, some negative and some that try to "steal" it from others.  You may have heard the phrase that someone gives off a negative or positive "vibe"-well, that is the most simple way of trying to understand it. 

Anyways, our energies, no matter what they are, are also only a portion of the concept of the Universe.  For those who believe in it, also believe that the Universe has a way of Balancing itself and the parts of it.  Chinese philosophy has defined, and firmly believes in the concept of this balance, to this day, with Yin and Yang- you may have seen the symbol-  

 It is the philosophy of the Universes interconnectedness and balance within and amongst itself.  Black and white, light and dark, man and woman, for every positive there is a negative, etc.  Balance is the key element of the Universe.  Including the idea of "full circle"-as in everything is supposed to complete itself and return to its initial state- like a life balance-more on this later too.

There really is a lot more to it, but if I started talking about the way things are going in my life, without introducing at least a part of this, you may start asking yourself "what the hell is she talking about?"  And you still may ask yourself that, but if I can help to clarify my ramblings in anyway, I am more than happy to help:) 

Now back to it...

In a way my life has been a prime example of this balance-although it never seemed so at the time-or I didn't understand what goods there were with all of the bads.  The truth is, my life has never been easy. At least not for very long periods. It has been very rough and uncertain and plagued with instability. Sometimes of my own doing, but many times, completely out of my control. Either way, the evidence of the negatives was always so much more apparent than the visual of the positives.  Or at least it seemed.  With so much negative in the forefront, It is hard to allow yourself to see or realize what is positive in your situation and your life. 

Growing up, my actual home-life was a mess.  There was a lot of just bad stuff going on all the time. I wont go into much detail because, it wasn't just my home-life, and I would never put anything or anyone on blast for anything that happened in the past, but just know, it wasn't always pretty nor pleasant.  Being young, it would be easy to say back then that there was nothing good about that part of my life. Realizing the positives that did exist did not come until a much later time.  And that was that even though I had this negative environment in one place, I was fortunadte enough to have a safe haven-at any time, day or night, rain or shine.  A place where there was always enough to eat, a comfortable place to sleep, peace,  security, laughter, and more love than you could ever dream of.  this place was my grandparents' house. The ones i wrote about in Part 1.  I could easily spend countless hours sharing all the wonderful-ness of that place with those very special people, but for now, I want to get back to the original point. .. Balance.

Despite all of the negatives I endured, at the same time, I was the recipient of some very amazing positives.  As young and as distracted by circumstances, as I was back then, I failed to see all parts of this big picture.  I can guess that maybe I wasn't supposed to get it yet. And if I had, would it have changed anything? And does that really matter at all? 

So what part does balance play in our lives? For me and my life, Balance is not somewhere meeting in the middle, it is balancing of the complete opposite ends of the spectrum- the extreme of the extremes- much like winning a jackpot one day and going to jail the next- believe me, it does happen, it wasn't me, but close enough.  After a while you almost begin expecting that   when thing happens, something reciprocal follows closely behind.  It doesn't matter what it is, its how you deal with it, or learn how to adapt to it.  An extreme balance situation can literally make you or break you, and if you don't arm yourself with the right mindset, you will be defeated before you know what hit you.

I have found that getting angry about it, frustrated, or succumbing to "the last straw" only furthers the existence of self-defeat, doubt, and literal depression. And it may actual be true that only the strong survive.  But the missing piece to that concept, the most essential aspect that is left out, and that which may actual save us, is that yes, only the strong survive, but in learning to survive, we gain our strength. From our struggles and fears, worries, tears, broken hearts, injured hope, and disappointments, we can cultivate a remarkable amount of strength. To overcome one, is one step to overcome any.  

When you hear people talking about living a balanced life, it is usually associated with eating a balanced diet or balancing the time you work, play, or spend with your friends and family. But I don't believe this to be true balance- it is merely a matter of time management.  Balance can exist only internally, for yourself, your mind, your emotional wellbeing.  How does one measure this balance? You can start with a few basic questions. While they are essentially simple ones, in order to answer them, you  have to really dig deep down and ask yourself- do i have gratitude for the ups,  and take something away from the downs? Do I accept that negative does exist, but always steer in the direction of the positives?

You may have heard, said or even believe, that "everything we have been taught is wrong"...And for much of it, this may actually be the case.  Or maybe it is not wrong, but just fundamentally flawed either design, or  expectation.  If true balance has been taught to be measured by external results, then unfortunately such error has overruled. If you agree, you may be asking yourself, what now? How am i supposed to start over in this newfound quest for balance? It's conceptually easy, and implementally (made up word;) much more difficult.  But this is how you do it...

gain from your losses

prepare for the worst and hope for the best

allow yourself to first feel, then rest and recover, then overcome.

When you feel you have nothing left to give, remember you can never run out of kindness.

If you want to change your world, it's not about changing your attitude-Knowing you want better, or knowing there is hope and positivity within you- is your attitude...which can become your change. So instead of changing your attitude, attitude your change. 

Thanks for making it this far with me. 

See you soon. 

Take care!

Part 1

 Happy New Year! Hope it is happy so far. Mine has been the usual up and down and all the way around.  Some good news, some horrible news, some improving the new and some changing the old.  

I have intended on keeping this blog pretty lighthearted. Maintaining the humor but keeping it at an appropriate level as to not make it seem like i am insensitively poking fun at matters which are truly not meant to be funny.  At the same time, this blog is ultimately about life. And life as we know it, is not always funny.  While you may not laugh at everything i write, I don't want anyone leaving here feeling bad about anything either.  So on that note, this will blog will touch on the last and one of the most important things on the list of what you may get out of this blog, that i mentioned on Day 1  Blog--

HEY!!! NO CHEATING, STAY HERE. DONT GO BACK TO DAY ONE JUST YET.  

I think you will figure out what it was by the time this blog concludes, and if not, I will reiterate it in one of the closing lines. 

I will tell you honestly that this blog is going to be a difficult one for me.  I am probably releasing the flood gates from my eyes already, lol.  I am not the most of emotional people. In fact i have been told I am emotionally hard and insensitive. This is SSSOOO not true. I just don't wear my emotions on my sleeve, and have a firm grip on when I believe emotional exposure is appropriate. That combined with the fact that i have been dealt some pretty hard blows in my life, that it takes a bit more for me to be affected by things that may crumble others. 

But there are  a few situations and people that just get me every time.  So grab your tissues, or your handkerchief, or the sleeve of the person sitting next to you;) and if you choose to listen, thank you, if you don't- i understand- just never come back here again, you, you JOY CHASER!!! lol just kidding.  

I mentioned my grandmother, Manga in an earlier post. And while it was brief, there is not enough ink or paper in the world that could ever fit all of the wonderful things I could say about her.  I spent most of my childhood with her, and a lot of my tween years until she ended up moving out of state. Devastated me to the core. But when i got older, i tried to make it a habit of surprising her, and my grand father (equally wonderful) by showing up at their house a day or two  before Thanksgiving and knocking on their door.  Grandpa always was the one to open the door and when he did,  his eyes would light up, he would put his hand over his heart and take a few steps back pretending to stumble in shock. I could hear my grandma, Manga, call from the kitchen, 

"who is it Ron?" Ron is my grandpas name. 

And he wouldn't say anything, he would just open the door a little further so she could see who was at the door.  She would turn her head looking over her shoulder and when she saw it was us, she would pause for a split second as if she was hallucinating, and let out this beautiful half shriek, half yell, all tears and surprise, put her hands over her mouth and then run to the door with her arms open wide. 

Home at last . 

She always wore the same perfume and their house always smelled like something wonderful cooking. Her hugs were amazing and she would hold onto you until she felt she had caught up on all the hugs she missed out on since the last time she saw you.  

Growing up she took such good care of me and taught me so much. She had rightfully earned the title of my guardian angel well before she actually became one. She was beautiful inside and out and she was full of love.

On February 20, 2021, the day of her 76th birthday, she passed away. It was unexpected but her later years she had been dealing with some health issues. I was crushed, still am. There is a lot of regret for not being quite as good of a granddaughter as she was good as a grandmother.  Then there is the regret that the day before her birthday, I was writing her a birthday poem. And while i was writing it, i held it for a second and something told me she would never read it. There was litteraly less than three hours until her actual birthday, but for some reason I knew, that by the time was intending to read it to her the next day, it would be too late.  I talked myself into thinking i was being ridiculous and to stop thinking negative thoughts, put the poem away and went back to work.  The next morning, I had a missed call from my sister-we are close but don't tend to keep in contact as much as we should. Her "butt" calls me more than she does, and unfortunately, the same for me.  I didnt need to call her back because i already knew. I didnt want to call her back because then it would be confirmed, but i did, and it was exactly what i suspected- and feared above everything.  I couldnt bear the thougt of going to work after such news but my intention was to fly out to see my grandfather and be with him a few days.  I couldnt afford it though, and would have to work that night if It was even an option.  So somehow i pulled myself together and got ready for work. 

At the time i was a bartender at a casino. I was always cheerful and outgoing and social. Its a small town and a good majority of my patrons were regulars who had gotten to know me and my general upbeat nature.  So i knew that they would instantly notice my change in demeanor that night. So i got a note card, scribbled a few things on it and within minutes, one of my first regulars looked at me and said,  "is something wrong?" To which i looked down and handed him the note card. He read it, and i could see the immediate look of sad on his face when he looked up at me, but then he said, "can i get a beer and a shot please". That note card just barely saved my sanity that night. kept my composure until the minute i left eyeshot of customers during breaks or lunch, when i would burst into emotional devastation. But i managed to make enough in tips to cover plane tickets for myself, son and partner to fly up to their house, and surprise my grandpa in usual fashion.

Unfortunately there is a part 2 to this blog. I have to take a break for the sake of my own emotional wellbeing.- and because the part 2 of this is requiring another unexpected trip of me, that i need to prepare for- but more on that later.

 So you will also have to wait to find out what list item that this blog is about. 

oh and if you want to know what was on the note card-this is what i wrote...

"I just lost my grandmother today. I am not okay. Please do not hug me or ask me if I am ok. I am trying to hold it together, so please just keep me busy."

Thanks for reading. See you soon.

Take care.

Complaining 101

Hello All!-or One or two or ALL. Hello to whoever may be here right now. I hope all is well and everyone is healthy and happy.  

Today, I am going to talk about Complaining-but don't worry, I am not actually going to be complaining about anything.  It something I really try not to do for reasons which will be covered in today' s lesson-

Complaining 101

    -and just for fun, I am going to be unnecessarily "formal" in the format presentation of this topic; ) 

Let's get started, shall we?

What is complaining?

c Com·plain

/kəmˈplān/

Learn to pronounce

verb

gerund or present participle: complaining

1. 
   
2. 1.

   express dissatisfaction or annoyance about something.

   "

   Similar:

   protest

   grumble

   moan

   whine

   bleat

   carp

   cavil
3. local authorities complained that they lacked sufficient 
4. resources"

^^^From Oxford Dictionary

Why do we do it?

When someone is bothered by something, they tend to let others know it bothers them.

What are the effects?

This can be answered in many ways , so i am going to break this down into two groups, which I call "Inefffective (or improper) Complaining" and "Effective (or proper Complaining"

We will start with the most common-Ineffective/improper complaining. 

This is the see-it-every-day type of complaining: the unruly customer, the kids who don't want to do something, nosy neighbors, "underpaid and underappreciated" coworkers, those types of situations.  They all have something negative to say about something or another.  What effect does this have? Well aside from irritating anyone on the receiving end, or causing another's lightbulb to go off as they realize, "oh yeah... that is true. I should complain about it too", the ultimate effect or end result is... wait for it....     .

...nothing.

 Absolutely nothing. 

In order to summarize the meaning of Ineffective /improper complaining, we will continue its definition using a few of its most accurate synonyms and phrases: "pissing and moaning", whining, b*tching, and quite simply, "talking sh*t".

Effective/proper complaining is much more rare.  And unlike it's counterpart, its a bit more complicated. In order for it to be deemed as effective/proper, it must contain three key elements-

1) It must have a valid reason behind it or done with a legitimate purpose, 

2) It must be directed towards the appropriate person, and 

3) it must be followed with a reasonable solution.

These may seem obvious, but meeting this criteria is much more difficult than one might think. Usually one, two or all of these elements are missing, thus in-effectuating it in its entirety.

Now that you have their definitions, let's take a situation and compare both types of complaining.

example 1-Person A is complaining to a coworker that  it  is not fair that Person B gets every Saturday off of work. 

example 2- Person A would like to have Saturdays off, and complains to his/her boss that he/she notices that person B has Saturdays off, and would like to suggest that the Saturdays be divided up equally so both Person A and Person B will have some Saturdays off.

 Do you see the difference? 

Example 1 person is going to get nowhere, but irritated, or irritating with that form of Ineffective Complaining.  

Example 2 person avoids engaging others in complaints which they are not involved in, has a valid point in the reason for the complaint, AND, most important of all elements, has come up with a reasonable solution.  

Now, example 2 person will have a higher chance of getting that complaint heard, unless the boss is a total d-bag and ignores it all together, at which point you tell him/her to take the job and shove it... just kidding. I do NOT recommend that last step.  However, if you do have that type of boss, I would definitely reconsider my position with that place, but that's on you.

MY POINT IS.... if you are going to do something, do it right. Do it in fairness, with reason, and maintain professionalism at all times. 

And the next time you have someone complaining about something to you, and you are not the person which it should be directed at, there is only one question you should ask them... which will either stun them to shutting up-OR- get them to really think about their answer. Either of the outcomes will generally get them out of your hair. Your golden question...

"So what are YOU going to do about it?"

Bye for now! Take care!😉

Nutshell Ramblings

 Hey. How are you? Sorry It has been a while, but as tradition would have it, every year, or pretty much every year, around Thanksgiving, my world seems to take a dramatic shift in another direction. Such has been the case for as long as I can remember- at least for most of my adult life.  For now I will spare you the details, and just say, its glad to be back to my blog again. 

What I will say, though, is I am back on the job market. Sooner than expected, but I know it is for the better. Despite the day of personal meltdown due to the shock of such an unexpected event, I am glad I don't have to dread going to work anymore-something I always said I would never do-at least I didn't do  it for too long. Phew!!

So besides the full speed ahead job search, I have been working on the other aspects of what I want to turn this blog into. I will still be writing here of course, but like i mentioned earlier, I plan to include many of my other interests and knowledge as well.  Where to start, and how to organize all of the stuff up there onto the limitations of single web builder sites is quite a challenge-and even more time consuming, especially for a selective perfectionist such as my self. 

What is a selective perfectionist you ask? Well, I don't believe in the perfection of everything I do, and it does not rule my life, thank goodness. But the things that I am particular about perfection, absolutely MUST be perfect.  And I am my own worst and terrible critic. 

 Arts/crafts/design stuff- total perfectionist.  My partner always says, "Leave it alone, it looks fine, you are going to mess it up!" And he's usually right. But maybe if he said another word other than "fine" I may actually listen to him and NOT mess it up.  Maybe I should tell him that. Hmmm.

Mascara- perfection necessary. Okay so this may seem odd, or insignificant, but for me, it has to be perfect-Why? Well, because it is the only makeup I wear. I will occasionally opt in for some eyeshadow, liner and maaaaaybe some no smudge, no smear, can't belt sand it off lipcolor, on special occasions, but day to day, mascara only. I never ever wear any coverup/foundation or face makeup. Yuck. I work too hard to put something on my face that I am just going to sweat off later. Besides, I don't care how "natural" or hypoallergenic it is, its not good for your face- and the more you wear it, the more you need it. Why, again? because it can cause you to break out due to clogged pores and then you have to wear it because you are trying to cover up the blemishes, which only begin looking bigger so you cake it on even heavier- sounds like a money-maker for someone to me. eh-hem.. anyways. Mascara, Yes! 

Cooking- Okay, so this is almost a sore subject for me now, but let me give you a bit of a backstory.  Growing up, I spent most of my time with my grandmother, "Manga" is what I named her. I was her first grand child and after I couldn't say grandma, it came out Manga, and it stuck with her for the rest of her time. She was beautiful, an amazing wife and mother, but the best grandmother ever and a phenomenal cook. Everything always from scratch. I spent years with her, cooking in her kitchen. I watched everything she did and somehow it implanted into the depths of my memory.  Everything from homemade beans, enchiladas, tortillas, and the most complete and delicious Thanksgiving dinners. When I got old enough to get a job, I worked for a few restaurants as a waitress, and being that I had my meals at work, I never did much cooking, if any. Besides, I was in college and usually ate in the cafeteria during the day, and at work at night. Fast forward to about 15 years ago, when I met my partner, and I started working in an office.  One of the first weekends I went to visit him, I told him we should stay in and eat instead of going out and he was fine with it.  I should have looked in his pantry before saying anything.  Keep in mind, he had been single for a while, just bought his house, and was working away from home most of the time as a Paramedic. So, it should have not come as such a surprise to find almost nothing in his pantry.  

In the "spice cabinet" some protein shake mix, vitamins, and salt and pepper. Freezer-bags of chicken breasts, Pantry- a few cans of vegetables, one jar of spaghetti sauce and a bag of egg noodles. Oh and a few scattered packets of parmesan cheese from the last pizza order.  Oh-kay.. WT...do I do here? So I put the chicken to grill on his countertop "drain all of the flavor out of the chicken" grill, with some salt and pepper, boiled the borderline stale egg noodles and put the sauce in a pan. Not too much later it was all done and I put the plates on the table, and called him to eat. Sitting down he asked me when I went to the store. After telling him I did not, he said he didn't know how I made something out of what he had available.  He was just as surprised as I was.  To this day he says it was the best meal i ever made. Im sure that's not true but the memory made it that way.  Needless to say, after that he was hooked.  

But the takeaway from it was that I had no idea  what a great cook I was. I actually had not done it since before high school. It really just came naturally to me. I had a great pallet and taste for flavors that meshed really well together. I would come up with these really random, meals out of whatever there was available. The best part was, that I really loved it. It was relaxing and my family really enjoyed it as well. 

Fast forward fifteen years, about four months ago. I got really bad Covid. Like, misery of the worst kind. Never been sick like that ever. I am a very healthy and active person. Nothing takes me down. I work through my sicknesses and carry on. Not this time. I tried. Day two and I feel like crap, but even crappier because there was stuff I needed to do, and I didn't have time to get sick. So I get out of bed and put on my work boots and hat, determined to work this out. 

"Where are you going" my partner asks

"I am going outside to work through this sickness"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"Okay", he smiles and half laughs under his breath while shaking his head. "good luck"

Now, if I knew what he meant by good luck at that moment, I may have given it a second thought. But, I am stubborn and when I set my mind to something, its better if you just either leave me to it or get out of my way.  

I flung the door open, walked down the three steps, and grabbed the rake. One minute later, I flung the door open again grasping the railing and my chest trying to pull myself up the stairs. I was gasping and spinning, wheezing and out of breath. Sweat burned my eyes and my legs felt weak. My head pounded and my joints felt as if they were bound by metal and going to dislocate at the same time.

"What happened?" He already knew the answer, he smiled.

"I...(wheeze)...wanted...(gasping) to...(is this COPD?)...never....(gasping)...mind."  I face planted into my bed, arms at my side, kicking my boots off, well, one boot...I didnt have the energy to kick the other one off. 

"Need some help?" My silence gave my answer as he gently removed my other boot and hat which sat awkwardly from being smashed into the bed. 

That moment began four weeks of the worst, death wishing sickness ever. Two weeks of migraines, acid-like sore throats, joint pain, shortness of breath, loss of voice, hearing loss in one ear and sheer exhaustion. After two weeks, I had just enough energy to walk to my car, change my mind, and get back in bed. Three weeks i made it to my car drove to get take out and back into bed. By week four, I was still so tired but knew I had to get back to work because my partner ended up getting it too so we had both missed a month of work and our savings ran out. Week five i went back to work one day, and only made it four hours. week five, one full shift. 

But not everything returned to normal. I don't know if this is the worst part, because it was pretty bad, but it is definitely the one thing that has taken the biggest toll on me. Around the end of week one, I lost my sense of smell and taste. Today, four months later, and still nothing. It is the single most...oh sh**....

Ok sorry for the interruption but I had put some soup on to boil before writing this and totally forgot about it. Normally I would smell it as it heated up but, like I was saying, I almost just burned a huge pot of homemade chicken soup. This sucks. Life without flavor is like life without flavor.  I can't be a perfectionist of cooking when I can't taste it. My partner really tries being a taste tester for me. He's a good sport. I just hate when we are arguing and I'm cooking and I have to go into the room and be like...

"Can you please taste this for me?" half grumbling and mumbling through clenched teeth, head down, holding out the spoon. He just looks at me with this "oh you need me now?" look of sarcasm, and takes the spoon. 

He says its good. I try to believe him. But is it to MY standard? I may never know. Hopefully one day, I will know again.

Thanks for listening!

Take Care!!